Disability Action Center NW, Inc.

Sexuality & Disability
By Gina Morris, Independent Living Advocate
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Have you ever gotten the impression that many people without disabilities seem to think that those of us who do have a disability are sexually neutral? This may come as a shock, but we’re not. Or at least, we don’t have to be. In realizing this, we may have to change our way of thinking on what sexuality is. What works for a person with Cerebral Palsy might not work for someone who has paralysis; or what works for someone with MS might not work for someone with paralysis. I would like to expand on how we define sexuality and provide some solid references for information on sexual issues that affect people with disabilities.

Contemporary America seems to define sex in a rather narrow way. It usually defines “real sex” as something between a male and a female, with ground-shaking orgasms being the ultimate goal (ever read those romance novels?). In my observation, sex in real life is nothing like a novel or short story. Sex doesn’t have to take place just between a male and female, nor does it need to involve another person at all. In fact, sex for one is just fine. Of course, there are numerous other contrasts between sex in real life and sex as portrayed by Dianne Steele. In real life, people wrestle with catheter bags, timing, mood swings, physical insecurities, personal histories, side effects from medication, and not to mention the embarrassment of burping in the middle of a passionate kiss. In real life we get to choose what works best for us—much like Independent Living.

When managing one’s sexuality and a disability, redefining what sex means can be a very liberating experience, though it can also be one of frustration. For example, certain medical conditions and disabilities can impair the ability to achieve erections or vaginal lubrication, much less achieve an orgasm. Medications used to treat certain psychiatric conditions may also impair the ability to orgasm. Does that mean one should give up on sex? Not at all. Orgasm does not have to be the defining rule to sensuality nor sexuality. Good sex can be exactly what you define it to be—and it might not involve touching, or even a partner. In fact, one definition of sex from Webster’s is merely “sexually motivated phenomena or behavior.”

On one end of the spectrum, good sex can be a cup of coffee and a magazine like Newsweek or Time (and yes, of course it can be any other magazine you fancy). On the other end of the spectrum, good sex can be a full-blown sexual coupling. You can be straight and celibate, gay and celibate, single and practicing sex, etc.; you can have a lover (or two, or five) on a casual basis; you might be sharing sex in a long-term, committed relationship; or any combination of the above. And that’s part of the beauty of understanding yourself, your needs, and your desires.

This is the first article of this nature published in DAC’s quarterly newsletter. We welcome your questions and comments.
Please send any feedback to feedback@dacnw.org.

For resources and additional information, visit www.dacnw.org/sexuality.